Thursday, December 8, 2011

Night Chat With Friends

I had an in-depth conversation with Kim and Lloyd a while ago. We were planning our get together (God willing) this December and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM! I haven't seen some of them for over a year now and just the thought of us spending some quality time together (SOON) keeps me going! It feels good to keep in touch with them once in a while. And today, they made me so HAPPY!

During that short conversation we had over Facebook, we talk a little bit about our own spiritual growth over the past years. Each of us has something to share. I know I have so much to learn but to connect with them in that way is just...different. I just started my journey 26 days ago and my Bible reading some 16 days ago so I really need to double up my pace. Hmm, not that I'm in a hurry but I can't connect the dots when I'm reading because it's been a long while since I've read the Bible. Some of the things that has happened seem blurry now. Can you imagine? I even forgot that Cain and Abel (and Seth, yes) were sons of Adam and Eve! I thought they were just some far descendants of our first parents! I know I'm shameful. :( BUT, I'm doing everything I can to make it up for the lost times.

I really feel that each of us grew up spiritually (and as Lloyd said, "we grew up as a person...but one can never be mature enough"). It's amazing how we used to talk about our crushes, projects, thesis, SAD, Philo, and some simple things but now, we're taking it all up into the next level. It's a different kind of experience, talking to them now than before. I hope we can have a more serious talk when we see each other.

Can't wait to see you all (Mature)4+1 :D

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I Will Live Life The Way it Should Be!

A decision to make. Today, I made a list of all the things I MUST do to have a happy life - pray all day everyday, be patient especially to my brothers, stop cynicism, smile ALWAYS, be happy for everyone, etc. It's basically a promise to myself and a guiding list as well to have a happy life. It's something that I needed especially in times like these. Happiness is always a choice and I'm choosing to be. And today, I will leave all the melancholic emotions and just focus on the things that'll make me happy. No more crying and feeling sorry for myself, no writing negative things, just love and support. :)

Baby steps (this is so tough!). My will power was tested a while ago. BUT I PASSED it! Moving from the things that makes me sad is taking all of my strength. But when you did the things you thought are impossible and overcome it, the feeling is just AWE-SOME! And that includes steering away from the temptations of stalking their sns accounts. :P It'll take a while but I'm slowly getting used to it. I CAN DO THIS! You CAN do this Jen!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Long Gone And Moved On

Yesterday I saw their picture. They're all smiling and they seem happy... I don't know what did it but I clicked the thumbnail which made me cry inside. At first it was nothing. It's just a picture. But then when I scrolled down to read the comments, my heart fell. He's moved on... THAT FAST. I didn't really thought of him as the type who would move on that easily but what do I expect? He pretty much did the same thing when we were in high school.

Just a while ago, I checked their picture. AGAIN. A couple of comments were added and that, for me, was the period sign. A BIG DOT that ends everything. It's PAINFUL and I'm full of regrets but I guess that's what I have to pay for all the awful things I did to him.

I think there's no point for me to linger because I know he wouldn't change his mind. I was really hoping for that moment where he would say, "I'm still gonna wait." But I should have known better. For more than a month, I was being this crazy and indecisive shithead - worrying about him. But what I didn't know was that he already made up his mind. And I reaped what I planted. Hmmm, this whole situation kind of reminded me about the song Long Gone and Moved On by The Script. It's really a good but sad song. You should listen to it. I think I'll be playing that one before I go to sleep tonight. :P

Yes, it is my fault. I'm responsible for all this hurt that I'm feeling right now. But what I don't understand was WHY he practically gave up on me without even asking me first what I WANT. That for me was the most painful thing of all. Yes, I deserve it but I'm just having a hard time ACCEPTING things. If he just asked me then if I want him to leave, I would've have said NO. When we were talking (or rather texting) that time, I had this thinking of asking him to stay. But I know I don't have the right to ask him that, not when he already told me that he can't wait any longer. I was disappointed, true. But I now realized that it was all part of molding me to be a responsible person the next time around. I prayed for Him after we had that conversation, I prayed to the Holy Spirit to give me guidance but nothing. I made the decision myself without asking God first. I asked for guidance AFTER I decided things on my own. And that was my downfall.

All those posts that I've published, all the anguish stories that I've written, all the regrets that I have shouted, I'm now gonna leave it at that. It feels like I have gone through my third break-up without even realizing it. It just hit me right in the face, right when I saw their photo. He's done and I should move on. I should stop this madness. The sooner the better. All should be well...

Monday, December 5, 2011

Mixed Emotions

I never thought I would feel like this. My beliefs are stronger than ever but at the same time, I feel like I'm vulnerable. I never felt like this before. It's not love. It's greater than love and it's a mixture of emotions and you can't really describe them fully even though you know what sad means, or happy, or anxious. Of course, how can a human like me express all this in a sentence or two? I'm bothered about it but at the same time I'm not!

I know that God has a HUGE plan for my life but I can't stop myself from feeling impatient and I know it's bad but I sometimes, well almost all the time, question him about this. Why can't I be perfect? Why can't I do everything to please him? Why do I need to be this imperfect sinner? Why didn't he make me just a liiiiittle bit prudent?

I know that I'm a work in progress but it's damn hard!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

That One Thing That Frustrates Me

For some reason, some people still calls me inday (a word in a Filipino language that can be loosely translated to 'little girl') - which is REALLY ANNOYING. Come on, people. I'm already 22 years old! I sometimes wear glasses just to STRESS out that I am mature enough and for people to stop treating me like a little kid. Seriously,  it gets on my nerves especially when someone would talk to me and dismisses me like I'm a 10 year old.

First theory: It's because of my height. I feel that it's about my height and I hate it. Although God told us to love ourselves, I just can't help but to feel awful that I'm SUPER short. And sometimes I'm really tempted to drink some height enhancement pill even if it's that expensive (I have ruled that out after a few days of reading The Purpose Driven Life but you know, temptations are always there). I just don't understand why my brothers get to be this tall and I'm stuck in this height for the rest of my life. And people will always make me feel like I don't belong in the adult world, like my opinions are never valued and that everything that I do or say will always be scrutinized or branded as something not worth paying attention to. It sucks.

Second theory: I wear baggy pants and shirts. Well that's because I'm in our house, doing nothing. So why would I dress to impress? I take some effort when I run some errands but not when I'm in our house. And one of my father's employee would talk to me as if he's talking to some kid who can't easily understand what he's saying. The shadow of being this Dora-like person is like a stink that won't go away!

Third theory: My small but audible voice. My voice is not that high-pitched but sometimes, people would say that I talk like a kid. And I will say this without bias or anything but I-certainly-am-NOT-talking-like-Bubbles-of-Power-Puff-Girls-or-some-random-crackpot-cartoon-character.

I also remembered that time when I was applying into this banking company and for some reason, the HR officer told me that I write like a kid--like her grade 2 niece. How's that even possible?! All I did was to write that bloody essay about my greatest achievement in life and made sure that it's readable and now I'll be accused of being this little kid writing an adult essay and I KNOW in my heart that I will be haunted by her comment for the rest of my life! She even asked why I write that way. And because I was so surprised with what she said, I just told her that I'm not good at writing with my hands. Stupid me.

Please, please, please people. Just treat me like an adult. It's been two years since I wrote that 'I'm Not a Kid Anymore' post and I still can't get away with this you-look-like-a-kid comment. It's frustrating!

Now that feels great, just letting it all out. :)

I Miss You

I miss you. I miss you, really. I miss you all the time. I can't think of anything but you. It's creepy, I know but I don't know what's wrong with my brain. A part of me wants to tell you that I like you but the other part of me is still hesitant about this whole I-like-you thing. And I can't tell you because if I do, I would lose all those kilig emotions that I'm feeling now.

Everyday I'm reminded of that month where I almost asked you to go with me and my friends on our supposedly vacation in Camiguin (we were allowed to bring a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend). Arrrrgh!

I know did terrible stuffs to you and I know that even though you're civil with me, you hated me for the things that I did to you. This is crazy. I'm crazy.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Hello December!

December is FINALLY here! I'm sooooo excited for this month! I can't believe that the month that I've been waiting to come since August is HERE! Things are happening too fast that I even have a hard time keeping it in my brain!

Okay, so the little reflection that I had today was with the chapter I'm in. I'm already in day 20 (halfway there!) on my 40-day spiritual journey. It feels like I'm relearning everything but with so much new discoveries. It's kind of a surprise to me since most of my learning years were spent in a Catholic school and to know (and not just refurbish my memory about what happened in the past) new things is just amazing.

In my readings today, I've learned that "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God." I felt a little proud when I read this. :P ALTHOUGH I couldn't really say that I DID EVERYTHING, at least I did SOMETHING. My readings also reaffirmed some of my hesitations. It's a whole new experience for me and it's enlightening at the same time. :)

I wish to share it with you the next time around. When I'm all done and when I have reflected everything, I hope I'll have the wisdom to share it with people. :D

Until next time! :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This December is MINE!

December is just 2 sleeps away! I'm excited this coming December because I will be seeing a lot of people (HOPEFULLY) including my beloved (Mature)4, the Big4, the Z3 peeps, and the CUBEHEADS (not sure if that's the official name or what)! I've always dreaded December because of some issues that my family is struggling to get through but my friends are the best, especially the Mature4--I AM the mature and the 4 would be Kring, Kai, Kim and Yang.I sincerely wish that we could have our long planned overnight. I'm okay with not staying in MP as long as we can spend time together--with my 4 sidekicks best friends plus 1. :D

God took some people away from me this year for me to grow up and to become more MATURE, to realize my value as a person and as a woman (not a girl anymore), to make up for the things that I have neglected, to find my purpose, and to be born again in God's family. It was a long and painful process to go through but I know (and I can feel it) that this year is still one of the best years in my life. I have so much to thank for. :)

Yes, there were disappointments, pains and even discouragements but all of them are needed to mold the person that I am now. I would say that this December is mine. There are a lot of things to look forward to. And I can't wait for them to happen! :D

When I'm Wasted and Everything is Just Plain Chaotic

I have a confession to make. It's one of those I-don't-really-care-what-you-feel post but I'm going to keep on writing anyway...

I have been in this dilemma since I had that realization almost a month ago. I just feel that my indecisiveness finally caught up with me. Most of you (who's really following my rant-all-you-want blog) knows that the past posts I've been doing are quite confusing. Confusing in a sense that in this one post, I talked about this guy that I like and well, the recent blog post I had (Questions) was really all about Him. Although I didn't stretched it out, I mean, it'll be clear once you read the whole post. But this post is about you. You who knew me so well that you thoughtfully gave me that book one rainy Monday.

Isn't it weird to like someone only when you think about him? But when you actually try to imagine/see that person's pictures, it's like you don't have that same attraction that you feel when you think about him? I'm super stress about this. I don't know why. It seems like I live in this fantasy where everything's okay and perfect and lovely and just plain wonderful, when in reality, it's not. Maybe I'm in-love with the notion of him being with me, me being attracted to him, and us being together... But when face with that reality, I'm not so sure. That's why I don't want to answer you the last time we exchanged sms with each other because I want to be sure, I want to say that this is what I feel, I don't want to be a prisoner in this make-believe world that I created. It would be unfair. And I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see you get hurt MORE.

It's just that when I'm in this troubled state, certain decisions are sometimes uh, altered to fit my current feelings. Okay, so I told you that I will go to this bloody homecoming but I probably will not go. It depends. Not just because you'll be there, but because, MAYBE my family and I will be spending the new year somewhere far. Mars probably or some planet inhabited by aliens, you know, that theory of Stephen Hawking about parallel universes. But just to make things clear - I don't believe him. I still believe that there's a higher power out there. And speaking of that higher power, I still have some readings to do. So...

Goodnight! And see you on my next random post. :)

Friday, November 25, 2011

Good to Know



As I visited Google's homepage today, I noticed the link that says, "Read tips to protect your privacy online." Once clicked, you will be directed to the Good to Know sub-site of Google where they posted tips on how you can have a safe browsing experience as well as how you can manage your data. Google didn't pay me for it (how I wish) but I'm featuring it here because it's very informative and it's a big help especially to those who don't know what spamming, malware, trojan, etc. are (they have a section there called jargon buster).

I Love My Friends!

Heh! Jikko asked me what's new with me because I kept on posting melancholic topics. I'm not sure why but the moment that I let it all out, I feel great. I just need some place to express what's really bothering me. Plus, I was able to review my html so it's good all in all :)

It feels great when you have friends like him (or her as Jikko would prefer). It makes you think that there's someone who cares for you. Oooh. I'm being sentimental. But yeah, these past months, I'm missing everybody. And I'm like this kid who has tantrums when I don't know that much about them as I used to.

There were times when my friends and I have disagreements. But it always ended up well. I remember this quote that true friends don't need to say sorry. They just pretend it never happened. It's not that we don't value saying sorry to each other but it's more like: "You don't have to say sorry, I forgave you already." Don't you think it's sweet? I do!

At times I feel as if my friends are being insensitive and that they don't value what I would feel with what they're doing but, they really do. I now realized that friends are like your lovers. You get jealous if they don't give you that much attention, you have this expectation for them to remember your birthday and all other special occasions that your boyfriend/girlfriend (sometimes) remember, and although you don't get along well all the time, you always expect that things will be okay in the end. But I also feel that when our priorities change--work, boyfriend, having other friends--it's okay to stray away from the usual routine of friends-work-home. And because some of my friends are not that understanding, it makes me want to wring their necks. :))

I'm talking nonsense. :P Goodnight! :)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Questions

I'm so bored I want to kill myself. I just wanted to talk and talk and talk more and maybe when I'm done, I can answer some of the questions that's been bothering for the past week.

You know that feeling that you are jealous--in general--but you can't do anything about it? You could be jealous to some girl he's with, or the life others have, or just the contentment that they feel. Why? I know I should'nt be questioning him but it's difficult not to when I'm feeling this way. I wish that he would love me more than anyone but I know that it's not possible. Who am I ask him that?

What's ahead of me? I don't know. All I know is that I'm here and I'm not yet dead--which means I have to fulfill something. But what is that something? What? I'm getting impatient. I don't want to wait anymore. But do I have a say in this relationship? DO I? But in the first place, have I build that relationship for me to ask that?

I feel like I'm not important to him. Although he said that I am, I still feel that I'm not. Now, I just realized that I don't trust him enough. I don't trust him fully. Which is the cause of all these hesitations, of these anxieties, of this discontentment. But how do you trust someone you don't feel often? How?

This is probably the darkest time of my life. I'm full of questions than ever. I always try to say that everything's fine and that all things will go well. But I know in my heart I still have this hesitation. It's not a question of "Can he do it?" but it's more like "Will he do it?" Or is this all part of being with him? I know it's hard but I still want to commit. I just think that this is part of why I'm here--to be with him. Not just here but in the future--or in eternity.

When I decided to start my 40-day spiritual journey, I thought that it would be as simple as reading some fiction book. But it's not and it's crazy that I get to questions stuffs that I haven't thought of before. I think I'm going mad...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Today's Google Doodle

One of the reasons why people love Google is because of their Google Doodle. Today, since I'm not in my right mind to write something with much more sense, I decided to feature today's Google Doodle.

I was searching about that thing that you call when one's productivity increases when the person is being watched and since yesterday, I was google-ing it when finally, I asked my friend Natalie (who's a psychology major) to help me out with it as I remember that it has something to do with psychology. She told me that it's called Fixed Ratio Reinforcement. I remember we tackled this in our Psychology subject way back in college but I just got this feeling that it's not what I'm looking for. So like any other things that you are not sure, I googled. And I found out that what I'm really looking for is the Hawthorne Effect. :)

(I've been ranting about things that you're not really interested. XD)

Here's the screen shots of today's Google Doodle. And you can click here for all the archives of Google Doodle. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

My Life Begins Today!

I went to church yesterday. My initial plan was to attend the service in the morning but, as always, I wasn’t able to wake up early. I know I should’ve slept earlier but…eee. No excuses there. So anyway, I asked my father if I could go—because he’s a tyrant—and he said yes. I was in a hurry because I only had 20 minutes to prepare then. But I made it! Yeeeah!

As I was walking towards the chruch, I was much shaking in my pants. I hate that feeling. I was thinking about these things, those instances, you. I steered to the right side of the church to hide from you—if in case you were there. But I didn’t see you which was a relief...I guess. But I saw Ching and my plan to escape as soon as possible didn’t happen. And I promised myself never to attend the mass with you in it. It makes me crazy!

Kai and I talked about you. You know, the lunch we had together? Do you remember that? That was a long time ago, yes. She thinks you were kind. I’m not sure about that but I kind of believed her. She was asking me about stuffs and I told her everything. But I said that it was a summer romance, something that you can’t hold on to forever, a fleeting moment. Well, we can’t really expect things to last forever. Nothing lasts forever, in the human context of course.

Today, I’m not gonna worry about things. I surrender everything and I will obey. It is hard. But I’m not bothered. Because like you, I believe that God will not let me live life alone. :)

No to Mining in Palawan



I bumped into this site a loooong time ago but I didn't really blog about it. I'm not sure why. But I truly support them and their advocacy and even signed their signature campaign. The site is about saving Palawan, a place in the Philippines where its natural beauty is being threatened by those people whose only concern is to make money for themselves. They even have this ad telling people that there's life in mining (not sure if it's affiliated with them but surely, they're benefiting from it). LIFE. They dare use that word. Yeah so they said there's life in mining as they will be employing miners and other employees to succeed with their evil plans. Their employees would get some benefits and of course with a little uh, side effects...not only on their health but on the whole residents' health as well.

I encourage everyone (especially the Filipinos) to join this cause and sign their names to stop this UNBELIEVABLE abuse to our Mother Earth. Please, please go to No2MiningInPalawan and join this cause. Sign with your name and help save Palawan!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

TechCular: A Must-See Site for Smartphones, iPhones, and Mobile Devices


Just a while ago, I visited one of my friend's Twitter account and I saw a tweet there about this super cool site named TechCular. This site talks about different things that you can do ranging from iPhone's latest update to all the tricks and tips that you can do with your mobile devices and smarphones such as Blackberry and Samsung.

One thing that I really like about this site is that it features a lot of things which includes how to protect your mobile phones as well as tracking unknown mobile numbers. From a person who experienced losing A LOT of mobile phones, the post about knowing one's EMI number on mobile devices really helped me a lot. I remember the time when one of my friend's mom lost her postpaid phone. Someone found the phone and used it for quite a while that they had a hard time paying the bills.

But what really amazes was the way it warns people to use the tricks in a responsible way. I came across this post about how to you can Trace and Find Any Mobile Number in India but at the end of the post, you can see that there's a message that tells the reader to use the post for "information purposes only." That way, the site promotes awareness but doesn't encourage you to use it to harm others. The same goes with the Windows 7 keys post.

I wish the author would post more about tips about softwares and how you can troubleshoot PC problems though. But overall, the site was very informative! Keep it up! :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Pornography in Facebook

I’ve been meaning to write something about this but uh, I was too busy with what’s happening in my country that I totally forgot about this issue. Okay so these past few weeks, Facebook has been under attack of some malicious pornographic images and videos. At first, I didn’t really thought that it was a spam but I kind of figured it out since there’s really a lot of instances when some of my friends posted a certain link to their other friends’ wall. Then there’s also this status update that says something about how people should be wary as hackers are posting something pornographic links to your friends without you knowing it, yadah, yadah, yadah.

Then yesterday, someone in my friends posted something about secured browsing and all that—which really is a must even before this hacking thing surfaced. So like everything else that needs clarification, I googled. And what I found out was that the hackers are targeting the vulnerability of a browser. Something about users being tricked “into pasting and executing malicious javascript in their browser URL causing them to unknowingly share the offensive content,” Andrew Noyes from Facebook said. He also said that they’re doing something about it and in the meantime, we, as the users, must reinforce our accounts even further. Here’s what you can do to protect you’re accounts:

  • Secure you’re browsing. Go to you’re Account Settings > Security > Secure Browing and check the box that says: “Browse Facebook on a secure connection (https) when possible” and then click Save Changes. 
  •  Edit the applications that are dormant—of those that you’re not using anymore. Go to Account Settings > Apps and click edit or just simply remove it.
  • You must have a strong password—this is very necessary. The ideal password would be like this: ILovemylife92$ as it contains 2 ALL CAPS letters, numbers and a special character. Once your account started sending links to your friends, change your password right away.
  •  And the best thing that you can do to secure your account and avoid this spamming thing is to MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON’T CLICK IT. Better report it and never be curious what Miley Cyrus did that made some person lost all his respect for her.
 
Remember, the risk of being hacked is highly possible once you subscribe yourself into this kind of social networking sites. Be a responsible user. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I Love You Paulo Coelho! ♥

I was digging up my old pictures a while ago when I saw the screen shots that I took last year. I'm a heavy Twitter user since...I don't remember but, yeah, I've been using Twitter for quite sometime now. 

When my account wasn't protected, I used to reply to celebrities, reporters and even authors. Then one day, I was trying my hardest to make Paulo Coelho noticed me that I tweeted this: Maris said that I can "dream on" for wishing that someday, @paulocoelho would reply to my tweet.how rude.but I'm still waiting.:D I didn't even think about my grammar! At some point, I got his name wrong! :)) But that day, I was the luckiest person alive! Paulo Coelho replied on my tweet! I know some of you don't see it as something that big of a deal but for me it really is. I was jumping up and down in my seat and while I was typing, replying to some of the people who really supported my dream, my hands were shaking! Like REALLY SHAKING! See for yourself, proofs below :D



Tweetdeck Screenshot



Paulo Coelho's Twitter account

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A Light Bulb Moment

I had an epiphany, a sudden ding-ding-ding, a light bulb moment. I try to evaluate my actions as much as possible, thinking what I did the past days and make the necessary changes to be a better person. In the process of doing this, I found out that IT’S SO DIFFICULT TO BE GOOD! But that wasn’t my realization for the day…

You know the song Jenny from the Click Five? Well if you haven’t, there’s a video below. It tells about a girl called Jenny—which incidentally is my name—who’s indecisiveness is killing the guy, always keeps him waiting, moody; basically an annoying girl. It came in to popularity when I was still in college. Some of my friends teased me about it the moment it came out but I just laughed them off. My defense: That’s not me—well, except maybe the moody part. It’s just that, these past few days (maybe even years!), I’ve been this self-absorbed bitch without even realizing it. And they’re right about me all along.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Google's Easter Eggs and Some Tricks

I was feeling a bit down today since I kind of raped the replay button of Priscilla Ahn’s Dream. I know it’s not that sad but the tune REALLY makes me so pathetic. :| So anyway, before I embarrass myself further, I decided to search form some google tricks. 

But first, you should go to Google’s homepage and disable your Google Instant. Google Instant helps “you search and browse faster on the web by showing search results and web pages in the browser window as you type in the address bar, even before you press Enter.” Click the gear icon on the upper right hand of your homepage and click Search Settings. Click the “Do not use Google Instant” choice to disable it then hit “Save Preferences.” OR just simply click here.

These tricks are called Google Easter Eggs. Some of the tricks were made by Google team themselves but some are just mirror sites that have been search often that they have climbed up to the top of the search results. Clicking the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button on Google’s homepage will automatically display the top most result, thus the thought of trick.

November 9, 2011

For five long days, I have been dreading that sms. I felt bad about it and I really don’t know what to do. But I guess we both have made up our minds…

Okay so last night, around 12 in the morning, I received an sms from a friend. I kind of had that feeling that he’s gonna tell me that but I pushed it back on my mind so as not to worry. The content of the message was something like, “Hi, wasn’t able to text you back last time since I went somewhere yadah yadah yadah and yes, I’M MOVING ON. It seems like you adore someone else already.” I don’t know what to tell him. I was caught of guard so I just said OK.

I was really hoping that you would ask me about it. You should’ve asked me and I would’ve said no…

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Using Twitter the Wrong Way




For your information:
The contents of this post has been transferred here.

I Need Some Chocolates, Ice Cream, and Lots and Lots of FOOOD!

The shortest text-conversation I had yesterday feels like LONGEST one. EVER. I was checking my phone EVERY MINUTE and expecting a longer message than what I have received. Then I asked if he’ll stop/has stopped and I got nothing. Zilt. Not even an “I’m not sure.” But at the back of my mind, I’m saying, “What do you expect? You’ve done it to yourself.”

I read a quote today. A part of it goes like this: You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once…and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt like when yours was broken (read full quote below). And I can totally relate to that. Perhaps, I pushed it too far. I’ve ignored him for too long. Have I? I just wanted him to make up his mind so that I can too. I need to know if he's stopping so that I can move on, so that I won’t be thinking and waiting what will happen next because honestly, I’m now regretting what I haven’t done before.

I need to keep myself together. Like seriously. I have been blogging about sad stuffs and I know I shouldn’t. But sometimes I just can’t help it. We can’t help it. Especially if no one’s there that you can talk to. Although I’m not sad all day, the sad stuffs are very much highlighted here. I just need to let it all out…

Friday, November 4, 2011

That Awkward Moment

When my sister was about to enter Grade 4 (primary level) in one of the public schools in our town—and I as a Grade 2, she convinced mom to transfer us in a private school. She was crying and was really desperate to attend a different school since she was terrorized by the stories of some students regarding the Grade 4 teacher. During those times, there was only one other school that you could choose—Maryknoll High School of Maniki (MHSM). Mom was hesitant at first to transfer us since it would mean high tuition fees and expensive miscellaneous. But after a whole summer of begging and crying, mom eventually accepted the idea. And so we were enrolled with a huge smile on my sister’s face. /wahaha 

The change on my part was big. Although I don’t have a lot of friends in my old school, the idea of being in a Catholic school somewhat frightened me. Slowly, I was adapting to the whole new environment—prayer every morning, noon, afternoon (where students always end in a long stupor); a snack break twice a day (we only had a snack break during morning in my old school); and nuns as teachers (how cool was that?).

Being part of a Catholic school, the nuns conduct prayers every day. One of these prayers was done every morning which includes the Rosary and The Litany. And I was really having the time of my life. The time I spent on MHSM was great and during those years, I became friends with everybody. Not that I wasn’t friendly or anything. And I’m not being defensive…Well OK I wasn’t and I am! But that was a long time ago. :P

Before I became a bona fide Maryknollian, I experienced a lot of awkwardness mainly because I was a know-it-all and I always strived to be a teacher’s pet—not that it’s necessarily a bad thing, you know, being a teacher’s pet. Anyway, my first day at that school was a total mess. Let me tell you how that happened…

Messy Day

Today, I really feel like a total idiot. :| Thing is, I got curious as to why I’ve been thinking about this person so, in order to get an answer to all these questions that have been bothering me since last Sunday, I decided—in all cautiousness, to text him. You know, just a simple hello and yeah, I asked him how he was. FACE PALM.

I know I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not yet sure about this thing that I have so…GRRRR! Okay, so I was jumpy all day and I kept on checking my phone to see if someone sent an sms…BUT, it’s just my father and some useless ads by my network.  I HATE THIS. Now I know why—if my hunch is true—he hates me. He can have all the reasons in the world to hate me and to be honest, I hate myself too!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Pottermore is Currently Unvailable

Pottermore is currently unavailable (again). I read it in Pottermore Insider that they are making updates to the site. I’m guessing that they have gathered enough feedbacks from the beta users that they are now trying to modify some of their pages and “make Pottermore the best experience it can be…” They said there that they are “taking the site down for a few days.” How long would that few days be? Ravens must catch up with the Snakes! :P 

If I’m not a beta user, I’d be really mad right now. Well, they decided to “extend the Beta period” and no date whatsoever as to when the site will be exactly open to all. That sucks. I was kind of excited to meet the ickle firsties.

I’m just hoping that they will make the site more attractive and please JK, put some music. I hope they will put mini games too. That’d be cool. See Pottermore Insider for more information about the latest in Pottermore.


Monday, October 31, 2011

There's a Perfect Time for Everything

I have been in a coma, a writing coma. Uh, these past few weeks got me thinking of the things that I really wanted to do, things that I have done—bad things that I am not proud of, things that I SHOULD HAVE done and things that I could have done BETTER. I constantly evaluate my actions especially if someone’s in pain. I’m not really making any sense right now but I’m really troubled.

Have you ever had that feeling where you said to yourself that you will never feel this way or do this certain thing and then you ended up feeling/doing it anyway? I did. And I have this realization that I can’t plan my life ALONE. There’s always this greater power that will always guide me or steer me in that way even though I said that I don’t want it. But because it’s the best for us, He will always do things unexpectedly, beyond we can imagine.

I don’t know what to think of this crazy idea—if you can even call it that way—but I’m kind of happy and anxious about this whole thing that it makes me wonder what would happen if I give it a CHANCE? I’m not a risk taker. Never was. All I wanted to do now is to make sure that THIS IS REALLY WHAT I WANT and this will lead me to become a better person. All I know is that all these things are in God’s perfect timing. And the million dollar question is: Am I too late?

The ideal quote (perfect for my situation) that I read today was with Nestor Rasonabe’s tweet: God has perfect timing, never early and never late. And it takes a little patience and a lot of faith, but it’s worth the wait.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Saturday, October 1, 2011

October 1, 2011

Growing up is cool. I mean, you get to do stuffs you’re not allowed to do before, stay up late, go hangout with friends without a chaperon, get drunk, date hot guys—not that I’ve tried, and just go wherever you want and go shopping—as long as you have the money. Well, it’s not all just about the fun. There’s also the responsibility to be responsible. You’re allowed to stay up late but you have the responsibility to wake up early; go hangout with friends but have the responsibility of finishing works/tasks on time that you left undone; get drunk but have the responsibility of never showing how your head hurts the next morning and do what you need to do; date hot guys but have the responsibility of enjoying them (HAHAHA!); and go wherever you want and go shopping as long you pay your bills.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

New Blogger Interface







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Cure for Boils



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Antidote to Common Poisons




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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Realization

Congratulations to Ms. Shamcey Supsup for being the 3rd runner-up in the recent Miss Universe 2011!!! Her answer was great and it was true to her beliefs. She proved to everyone her goodness and firm belief by her answer and to tell you the truth, I was thinking of the exact opposite way back in college. Let me fill you in with that one…

I have this HUGE crush towards this guy for about 5 years now and he’s super kind, gets along well with everybody, cracks good jokes; basically he’s this boy next door that you’d want to be with. All the girls love him. We don’t talk which is a total bummer. I really thought that we could be friends by the time that we reach our second year in college owing to the fact that some of my closest friends became his classmates as well. But it never really happened.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Apologies

I did things in the past I’m not proud of and in one way or another, I caused people pain. This is one of the things which are really tough to write since I’m viewing this in their perspective. I mean, who would know that you’re hurting someone when you thought you’re doing the right thing? I didn’t have ANY idea that I have hurt them, not until they started drifting away… And it’s hard, not because they’ve separated themselves from you but because you thought that you’re friendship could withstand that kind of obstacle, that they would understand you’re shortcomings, that they would forgive you and that they would see some goodness in you. Apparently not.

I get easily attached to people. At some point, I have around 50 friends, then next year, around 10 stays. And even though it’s always happening, I still find myself half expecting to find them smiling at me at the end of the bridge. And then I get to think things through. Maybe they’re going on with their lives without me because I’m this stuck up bitch that they don’t want to get associated with. Maybe it is so.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Totally Random

I’ve been a bit lost these past several days that I started to not care about anything at all. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but to tell you truth, I’m a bit restless. Tired of everything...I’m not even sure what I want.

Last day, I started to question myself for the reason of my existence. It was never the first time but this time, it was a bit deeper. Once in our life, I know that we all questioned why we live and that’s one of the reasons why we take pride in our ability to question things.


Pottermore Experience. Hurraaaah!

Finally! I can now access Pottermore! And guess what?? I’m in RAVENCLAW (OMG)—Wit beyond measure is man’s great treasure. I am sooooo HAPPY! I was able to shop in Diagon Alley, found lost objects, then a wand chose me (Beech with Unicorn Core, Ten and Three quarter inches, Unbending), purchased an owl—a barn owl, went to Gringotts, got sorted, casted spells and then brew potions! How cool were those?! Total bliss! BTW, I got a bit desperate that I tweeted pottermore to actually admit me on their site as a birthday gift. :))

It’s pretty awesome to finally have the image of those places and things from JK’s POV. My favorite so far was the experience I had in Diagon Alley because it’s so interactive and you can shop, buy potion ingredients and books and etc.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Gracias!

I wanted to thank those people who greeted me on my birthday last week. They are sooo sweet and thoughtful that I wanted to give them a HUGE hug and lots and lots of kisses. :)

No one in my family greeted me (as expected—but with the exception of Mama T. Although dad bought me some ice creams...) so I wanted to thank Eaque for the call and for telling me some updates in your life, Chack for calling as well, Jikko, Iris, Kring for the very (as always) warm greetings, Yang, Kai, Jing, Mama T, Maris (thanks for the chat), Kim for taking note of my height (:P), Kid, Ching, Mac, Japheth, Ya Jec, Sang, Ya Arj, Krista, Jefford, Edle, Arlyn, Dodong, RJ, LLoyd, Cindy, Ryu, Ya wendz, Vanie, Jeff, and Ban2 :)

I purposely deactivated my Facebook account to avoid greetings from unwelcomed friends. No, just kidding. What I really wanted was to have some peace in my account so I decided to deactivate it and I don’t really like the idea of people greeting me in that way.

And finally: Thanks for the cake, love. That was so sweet. No need to greet me, the cake was more than enough :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Miss Universe 2011 Web Poll

The Miss Universe is drawing nearer so naturally, Filipinos are now going gaga to vote for Shamcey Supsup (Miss Universe Philippines 2011) in the Miss Universe web poll. My sister’s now bugging me to vote for her. Just so she’d stop, I voted for her a while ago. Here’s how:
  1. Go to this site.
  2. Find your country’s representative (in my case, it’s Philippines). Shamcey Supsup’s name is link to another page where you can vote. Or you can just click the "Vote" button then you can go directly for the number 4 instruction.
  3. There are four (4) shots—glamour, close up, evening gown and swimsuit—that you can browse for each of the candidate. Below the picture is the button Vote.
  4. A pop up window will appear that you’ll need to complete such as email address, country, verification code and some check boxes. Then you have some buttons and click the button that corresponds your liking for something—they didn’t specify so I’m assuming that it’s about the whole Miss Universe thing. Click the “Submit vote for” and you’re done! :)


If you completed the form right, then this picture will be shown


Friday, August 26, 2011

I felt weird

A couple of hours ago, my 2 friends and I were “tweeting.” It started with F talking about something his dad did and so I joked around a bit. C and I were teasing him and all and then all of a sudden he said that we shouldn’t “blab” about it. I got so pissed with the word blab—as if I’m the one posting stuffs on our Facebook group account (he left the group see, so he was surprised to know that his name’s still being dragged there). I replied to him saying that he shouldn’t used that word because it’s not nice and it’s as if he has this thinking that we were spreading something bad about him. If he’s so conscious about people knowing what he’s posting on twitter, then he should make his tweets private and block us or something, right? I just need to let it all out. If he reads this, then fine. Maybe, if he has looked beyond that post (which I’m not guilty BTW), he would have seen that we’re just concern about what’s going on with him. Isn’t that bad?

I guess this is all a learning experience to everyone. I totally understand him if he got a bit mad or whatever because I felt the same way once with Mama T. We had a nasty fight then. But I really think that he should have chosen his words carefully. That’s all.

Lesson learned: We all have our own boundaries.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Saddest Day of My Life

This is OUTRAGEOUS! A total lie! A blatant breach of rules! I’ve been checking my email every single day and still no mail from potter so today, I decided to visit the site and to my horror, here’s what I saw:





I think I’ve messed up with my registration (since I was a bit dazed that I finally won the contest) that I mistakenly checked the “read all the books” and left the “watch all the movies” which translates that I have only read the books and never watched the movies when in all honesty, I HAVE!

They should have not made that stupid magic quill contest and accept winners when they can’t accommodate all of them! This is just the most annoying thing that I ever experienced! I hate JK (just this time)! And I hate the webmasters of Pottermore!

Monday, August 22, 2011

"And things have been quite repetitive that I started to doubt myself..."

Time is running so fast I don’t even know how things have changed. Time…that would be one of the reasons but distance and priorities also played the part of how things and people are to me now. It makes me sad but I guess this is the only way…

I know that for some reason, I’m not that memorable. It’s in the face, see. And the more that I talk less, the more people would not notice that I actually exist beside them. That’s how I decided to guard myself from unwanted attention. Of course, human beings are in need of attention but I just got to the point where it doesn’t really matter that much when you don’t care for the person you’re getting it with. Do you know what I mean?

Binasbas Dental Care, Maniki, Kapalong, Davao del Norte

Last week, I decided to go to my dentist (yes, MY since he'll be my dentist from now on) and have my molar sealed and have my teeth cleaned. This year, I decided to go to a different dentist to see some new, er, environment. My former dentist was a bit strict and I don’t like her that much I don't feel that comfortable with her so… Anyway, my new dentist has these cool gadgets! As he was sealing my molar tooth, he showed me this gadget which looks like a laser gun. Have you seen those laser guns that aliens use when they’re about to take over the world? Yeah, that one. At least it looks like that kind of thing from my point of view. :P

Some of the things that made him a good dentist (in my opinion) are as follows: He smells nice-which is good, very accommodating and I feel comfortable talking to him. I would say that his clinic has the best teeth related gadgets that you could find in our town so I’ll give that a plus. Aaand well, I don’t know his name. I think it’s Glenn—anyway it's not important.

I’m planning to go back there to have my 2 molar teeth sealed for better cleaning and perhaps align my teeth using braces (I don’t know when yet. I’m quite busy right now. Hahaha!). Oh, the clinic’s name is: Binasbas Dental Care (near Clementa Subdivision, Kapalong, Davao del Norte).

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Choco Almond Fudge/Double Dutch

I can’t stress enough how important this ice cream is to me. Well, it’s something that will never happen again for sure. I can buy a new one but this one is like the epitome of love. =)) Thanks mate :)


I know it looks ugly—camera’s not that good. But I SWEAR, it’s an ice cream :D

Heello you! :)




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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Goodbye YouAre

I really felt bad for the founder/s of YouAre. It’s a microblogging service developed by Blogs Media and it was launched last 2008. It is said to be a combination of Twitter, Tumbler, LinkedIn, and Del.icio.us. When it was still up and running, you can share photos, videos, comments or any kind of images you wish to share. It also supports @replies and DMs with 140 characters per status update and you can follow friends as well—basically much like Twitter that we all know now. It didn't last long so now, they’re closing/selling it. I got this message when I went to visit the site:



YouAre message (Click to enlarge)

For more information about the deceased YouAre, click here.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Oatmeal to Tighten Pores

I was surf channeling one night and I stumbled across this channel who gives tips on what you can do to take care of your skin, face, health, etc. And who would knew that you can use oatmeal as part of your skin care regimen? The host of this particular channel kept talking about oatmeal as a home remedy which you can use to tighten your pores. I got curious so well, I tried it. Here’s the “recipe” as instructed:
  1. Put two table spoon of oatmeal in a bowl.
  2. Add a table spoon of cold water then mix.
  3. Put on your face and leave for a few minutes or until it feels dry enough.
  4. Wash with cold water and pat with a clean towel.


Postal ID Requirements-Maniki, Kapalong

Some of my friends kept asking me about the Postal ID requirements in our town (Maniki, Kapalong, Davao del Norte, Philippines). So, instead of answering them one by one, I decided to post this photo that I took last September 2010. If the requirements have not changed, then I guess these will be the things that you will need:

Postal ID Requirements

Monday, August 8, 2011

Piiiisk!

I have this sudden realization that some of my friends—unwelcome friends—are reading my blog. Although I’d like my blog to be popular, I don’t like the idea of my friends checking this site. HAHAHAH! Well, the reason behind this is that I’ve written some things that I don’t want to explain to them and when they’ll ask me about it, I don’t feel comfortable enough telling it all to them. I feel like this place is like a diary—except that everybody gets to see it. Argh! I can’t totally explain it. Now, I’m shaking in my pants trying to explain some contents about my blog to a friend.

For some reason, I kind of written something about this friend—I didn’t mention his name though—and he PMed me and said and that he read my blog. And I was like: Ok, so have you heard about…. Pak! It was a personal experience and I swear in my mother’s grave that I didn’t put something that could degrade or tint his already tinted reputation. XD Joke! I just put something about how I felt about this particular time and about how it affected me and…OK it was something about this guy whom I used to fancy. And…he’s now stalking my blog (AS IF! =)) ). Can you imagine that?!

Imagine, you’ve put things similar to ‘I like you’ and then he suddenly turns out to be reading that posts? Holy moly! I could just die in that instant. I feel like this teenager who got busted for staring at her crush 5 times! :| Although I have already moved on from that, I still feel a bit embarrassed. :P
   

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