I have always liked you. And now that you are with someone, I can’t bear to live a life without you…
After that night, the night that you asked me to give you chance, I cried. I cried knowing that you’ll be with her, forever. And because that was the ONLY time I realized you will never want to be with me, ever again. And partly it was my fault. It was OUR fault.
There were three reasons why I said no. First was because you’re still with her. I will NEVER ask you to leave her. I have been through that and I know how that feels. It will kill her as how it killed me during those two failed relationships. I have been there and it sucked. It would be unfair. I don’t want to rob her happiness that she so much deserves. I can be a bitch and ask you to be with me and I know that you would gladly do it. But when I think of her, I see myself. And if you’ll leave her, you’ll be like those guys that I hated. And I don’t want that.
Second was because I know that she loves you more than I do. I don’t deserve you. I’ve been contemplating what life would be like for both of us if I have said yes then. And to tell you the truth, I’m not sure that I could love you as much as she does.
And third was because I wasn’t sure then. I somehow regretted that I easily said no but now that I think about it, I would say that it’s for the best for both of you...although it isn’t for mine. And just so you know, I have been hesitant with your sincerity until that night. The moment that you said that you’ve spent your 3rd and 4th HS life loving me, it touches me. And the fact that your mother wants me for you made me smile inside. I have never had that warm welcome before.
What I really wanted to tell you was this: I’m sorry for not taking care of you, for always ignoring you, for hesitating, for EVERYTHING. There, I finally said it. I feel great knowing that I have said it one way or another. You probably won’t be able to read this but maybe someday.
All that’s left of me is a little advice, if you even want one. Don’t settle. No one settles for love, only a fool does. :)